First main takeaway: PARENTING STYLES

One of the most important things I took away from this course was learning how to have an AUTHORITATIVE parenting style.  This chart helps to see the four different levels of parenting and why they are important and how they vary from each other.  The same website where the chart below was found, also stated: “Authoritative parenting takes a lot of effort, but research shows that it pays off in terms of children growing up become happy and well-adjusted adults.” (Manscill, 2019)

I had the opportunity to think about my own upbringing and the ways that my own parents taught me and enforced rules.  My parents were more toward the authoritarian side of parenting.  I always felt that my parents held me to extremely high standards and when I didn’t meet those standards, I felt as though my parents were disappointed in me and I felt less than worthy of their love and praise.  This type of parenting hindered my self-confidence and my relationship with both my mom and dad. 

            I found an article that goes over the pros and cons of authoritative parenting.  It supports the same things listed in the above article.  “There's no doubt about it; children who grow up with authoritarian parents are often the most well-behaved kids in the room. That's because they know there will be "big trouble" if they step out of line. But there are some pros of authoritarian parenting that all parents should be mindful of.” (Perry & Perry, 2019).  This is how I felt growing up, and looking back in retrospect, this is exactly what happened with me and my 13 brothers and sisters.  We were a big family, so anywhere we went, we automatically drew attention to ourselves because there were so many of us.  My parents knew that traveling anywhere with a ton of kids was a lot of work, so they laid down the law at home before we even set foot outside of the house.  We were taught that we didn’t leave our parent’s side, and if we did, we needed to ask for permission first.  We were to only talk if someone was asking us a question, and to only do what we were told to do.  This happened often for us seeing as how my dad was in positions of leadership for our church and my mom was heavily involved in PTA programs.  We went everywhere together and we knew how to act, “or else.”  We were afraid of our parents if we acted out.  We were afraid of what would happen if we did something, we knew we shouldn’t have done.  Of course, we were extremely well behaved and well mannered, and we were often complimented for it, but I grew up hating family outings because they were such a bore and we had to be on our extra best behavior at all times. 

               This class allowed me the opportunity to study the different types of parenting and to draw applications and conclusions in my own life.  I have seen the outcomes that come from Authoritarian parenting.  I have seen the consequences that have played REAL LIFE effects in my own personal life.  I have siblings who, because of authoritarian parenting, have depression, siblings who have felt the need to rebel, siblings who show less social competence, and siblings who have escapist behaviors.  All of which are consequences, in part, due to authoritarian parenting.  (Manscill, 2019)

             

 Now taking what I know about how I was raised and the kind of parenting style I do NOT want to exercise, I educated myself on ways to become an authoritative parent.  “A parent with an authoritative style is demanding, but also is responsive.” (Manscill, 2019) I want to be the parent that has high expectations for my child, but also helps to guide my children and listens to their opinions.  I want to have a “let’s talk about” mentality because it is the only way for my child to know that I hear them, I see them, and I value their opinion over my own pride and need to be right.  I know my children are so little.  They are only 18 months old, but I am well aware that even at such a young age, they have feelings and wants and needs.  It is my job as a parent to guide them and to teach them.  In another article I found, it talks about the specific benefits that come from being an authoritative parent.  It says, “Authoritative parents give kids respect and listen (and expect kids to do the same) and encourage kids to be independent thinkers, but they do not give in to kids and expect cooperation and good behavior. When kids do something wrong, authoritative parents will discipline by talking with them about it, guiding and teaching their kids while modifying their expectations depending on the situation and a child's individual needs.” (Lee, 2020) This is what I want for my children.  This is what I want for ME, as a parent, and I know that I can achieve that by listening to my children and still holding them accountable.

Lee, K. (2020, May 1). Why Being an Authoritative Parent Is the Best Approach. Retrieved from https://www.verywellfamily.com/are-you-an-authoritative-parent-why-this-is-the-best-approach-3964005

Manscill, D. (2019, April 1). Parenting Styles – Which Style Do You Use? Retrieved from https://www.parentingathome.com/2019/03/25/four-parenting-styles-which-style-you-use/

Perry, C., & Perry, C. (2019, December 6). Authoritarian Parenting: The Pros and Cons, According to a Child Psychologist. Retrieved from https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/authoritarian-parenting-the-pros-and-cons-according-to-a-child-psychologist/